Retro Game Review: Ghosts 'n Goblins

Not exactly the knights who say "Nee!"

Note: This review was requested by my friend Kevin Johnson, an indie artist in the Greater New Orleans area. Kevin recently created his own Webcomic, "Strange City Heroes," which can be viewed by clicking here.

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Released: 1986
Developer: Capcom

Background: Dust off the 'ol Game Genie, because if you're thinking about throwing your NES controller through your TV, you're probably playing Ghosts 'n Goblins. Capcom's brush with the afterlife is a difficult, frustrating game that slaps you right in the face just about the time you think you've reached GnG immortality. The story is your run-of-the-mill "girlfriend gets kidnapped by the devil and you have to fight your way through several levels to take on the Dark One and rescue her" story.

Graphics: 2.5/5
Because they're only half as good as the arcade version (which set the bar high for its time). While the level in the screenshot above is pretty detailed, other levels (I'm looking at you, Stage 6) are nothing more than patterns of equally-sized white and gray blocks. Other stages are much more detailed, but the NES version is so far out of the arcade version's league it makes me a harsh critic.

Sound: 3.5/5
The sound and music are actually not all that bad for a game in the early days of the NES. The squeaking noises do become annoying after awhile, but the game's music is some of the best. Capcom games typically featured some of best music on the NES, most notably in the Mega Man series.

Controls: 4/5
You really can't do more with an NES controller on a side-scroller than run, jump and shoot.

Gameplay: 2.5/5
Let's just stay in the middle on this one. If you like a game that'll make you prematurely go gray up top, you'll give this game high marks. If you don't, you'll score it very low. This game is punishing, and if you can complete it without throwing your console out the window, I have a friend who might want to challenge you to a game of Contra with just three lives. And if the game isn't hard enough, when you do reach Lucifer and defeat him, don't claim your trophy quite yet - It's all just an illusion, and now you have to start all over again (Did I mention it's even harder the second time around?). Then, upon laying the smackdown on Lucifer the second time to rescue your lady, you're treated to a short ending that features one of the game's trademark bad English translations ("Congratulation. This game is happy end").

Overall: 3.125/5
I won't say anything more about how hard this game is, but despite its difficulty, Ghosts 'n Goblins is truly a classic. If you're a glutton for punishment, this is the game for you!